my A-HA moment…

I got my A-HA moment… what I was yearning for a couple weeks ago (a particularly hormonal week); if you read my last blog, you already know I’ve been questioning my worth, my rationale, my sanity. Sticking to my rekindled spirituality, I saw the fear my ego was sending out and like a fan to flames, my hormones stoked that fire. I allowed my thoughts, my defeatist thoughts to flow through me, acknowledged and then released them. I re-committed to my goal, my one-year goal, and kept my head up and heart aware, as I continued on my true-north path.

Sounds good, right? Then it just kept getting better; found myself at my favorite yoga venue, Wanderlust in Squaw Valley, enjoying an upbeat class with a new teacher (new for me). Must admit, I am always a little disappointed when my favorite motivational teacher isn’t leading class (shout-out to Meg McCracken) but I have an open mind. As I mentioned, class was going along well, she presented our mantra, “I AM (wait for it) COMPLETE”, and as we repeated this in our breath-work throughout the practice, the tranquility of this mantra fell over me like a cashmere blanket. I was riveted and then brought to tears when she shared a quote from an unknown author:

“The two most important days of your life are first, the day you were born and second, the day you discovered why.”

As if that wasn’t enough to bring me back to joy, I received an even bigger universal hug on my walk later that day; was pondering my back issues, nothing serious just a bunch of hang-loose vertebrae that like to break-free from the chain-gang. I was lamenting how I always gauge my well-being by lack of ailments and perfection occurs only when nothing hurts. The interesting part is when you are approaching 50, there is always something out of sorts, and if I don’t change my mindset, aging is going to get in the way of my LIFE’S JOY factor. Instead, I must consider each day complete and perfect regardless the drama. Then the A-HA hit me… stop questioning my motives, my goals, stop waiting for anything to occur – I am complete, NOW!!!

            Today, yesterday, tomorrow,

            Every day I choose joy

            And any day I am grateful

            Is a day I live free.

This brings to mind a quote from Daniel Quinn’s book Ishmael, “It is simple, we are all captives of a civilizational system that more or less compels you to go on destroying the world in order to live… The ‘60’s offered an ingenious and disorganized effort to escape from captivity.  Failure came due to failure to find the bars of the cage. If you cannot find what is keeping you in, you get confused and ineffectual.” Applying this quote to my recent insecurities it becomes so clear how my lack of CONFIDENCE are the bars to my cage; it is far too easy for me to get lost in the noise the world amplifies without concern.

All and all, a brilliant day I wanted to share with you…xo


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